Sunday 20 January 2013

Fart Character

This post will likely offend some ladies in that they will not quite understand me on a fundamental fart level.

Here it is...

Boys. Like. Farts.

The louder and smellier - the more to behold. Even when defensive action is required.

I know that it is impossible for a woman to understand how it is possible to like something so putrid, so foul, so stench-ful, so nauseating; but those are just ways by which we boys rate and judge our farts - they aren't in any way negative.

Ok, ok... I hear you... this is a blog about daddies or kids somewhere right?

Yes.

My almost two-year old boy Tommy is developing his own "fart character". What I mean by that is, he is starting to learn timing, and the importance of it in a fart. *makes toilet training possibility note here*

Today he was walking around like you would imagine a child would imitate a chicken... squatted down, but not with thumbs tucked in armpits like as if he was a chicken... he had his arms looped around the back of his thighs... I couldn't figure out for the life of me what he was doing.

Then all of a sudden, he popped up off his feet like you would expect a child to imitate a chicken or a duck... still nothing earth shattering here I know, but then it happened...

... he landed and he FARTED as he landed. I froze... holding breath so as not to laugh, and then he did it again, and then AGAIN... three quick hops, with a fart on each landing.

Without a word between us (his back was to me and he was hopping away) - we both simultaneously burst into laughter.

Then he looked back at me, saw I was laughing, and laughed that much harder.

I guess it is at this point that I should perhaps mention that I don't encourage rude fart behavior with Tommy. It is a house where we always excuse ourselves if it happens. It is a house where he will hopefully one day learn that farts have to be controlled in the 'right way' in certain circumstances... as in not having them, or leaving a room... but for now... it's pretty darn exciting to see some fart control.

It's also pretty funny to see a kid that isn't taught any fart games, just learn them. As if somehow it is actually part of our genetic make-up.

You'll argue that my laughter shows acceptance. And I would be a fool to deny you. I won't. You are correct. But I swear, this is a case of chicken before the egg isn't it?

And he clearly did the chicken fart, before I ever laughed at that egg. Or taught him any such silly, or exaggerated fart game.

I mean, I hadn't even bothered teaching him fart stuff yet. #ruhroh

I do believe it's a #thugdaddy's responsibility to help his son form a POLITE, yet potentially humorous fart character for himself. It's a far more important element of our existence than you could possibly imagine... or would even let yourself believe.

Sorry ladies..

#thugdaddyrights

Wednesday 16 January 2013

Use the force ThugDaddy!

While reading Non-Conventional Feeding Habits
  I had my own revelation about feeding those little ones that can't yet feed themselves. Now maybe it's just me, but somehow I seem to think there are plenty of other Thugdaddies out there that possess the same Jedi mind powers that I do. Tell me you've never done this:

Feeding time!  You have your little one sitting up in the high chair all strapped in. You open up the jar of apple sauce (or some other delectable baby food) and there he is leaning forward, mouth gaping ready for that first rubber coated spoon full. In it goes... his action slows for a few seconds, eyes fixed on you, slowly manipulating the apple moosh around his gums as he deciphers what that heck you just put in his mouth. Then suddenly, the look comes over him like he was just reunited with a long lost friend and all the joy and excitement come out of him. His hands grasping the tray, pulling himself forward and legs flailing underneath, you continue happily shoveling spoon full after spoon full of yummy apple moosh into his cute little face.
Then comes inevitable distraction. All attention to food has now been diverted to the TV, Cat, Dog, Shutting of the front door, it could be anything. So you call his name...  gently pulling on his little finger...

 Nothing...

 Trying you move his attention back to you, you reach out with the slightest tug on his chin. Now, if your like me your more likely peeling his little hands off the back of the high chair as he has now turned completely around because you for some reason thought that this time would be different.

 So now he's really strapped in only this time he's looking at you with that "I'm determined not to eat look."  You know you've got a challenge in front of you. Mano y Mano!

So what do you do? You go for the powerful Jedi Mind control technique!

You know the one. Going in with that rubber coated spoon full of apple moosh you say "Mmmmm... Yum Yum!!" and with all your might You open your mouth as if somehow just by shear will power your mouth will open his mouth, letting you shovel in that ever lovin' spoonful. Yea... Not so much! No such luck! But you don't give in? No Way! Digging down deeper you open your mouth as wide as you possibly can get it... "Aaahhhh!" Surely he can't fend of the power of the force! You are a Jedi Dark Scythe Lord ThugDaddy. He will succumb!...  Then just at that moment he looks up at you and smiles with a big open mouthed grin and those little teeth poking through! Your heart melts and you shovel in that heaping spoonful of apple moosh right into his Cute little face. And so it goes, over and over.  Opening your mouth to control his until the bottle is empty.    You win!  He's fed and happy. Once again, all it right with the world!

Tuesday 15 January 2013

Daddy Kisses

Warning! This blog contains soppy, emotional blathering idiot type stuff. If you visit this blog for strictly thugonomics, please check back another day.

But at #thugdaddynation - we actually understand that while being a daddy is cool, and being cool is also pretty cool, part of the beauty of our nation is that we aren't afraid to let a little emotion out of the bag at this 'later' stage of our 40+ year old lives.

Enough disclaimer work...

Today my son Tommy... completely unsolicited... grabbed both my cheeks while I was in mid-sentence talking to Jenn... and planted his first ever Daddy kiss on me. Oh sure I have had cheek kisses, and some small 'reciprocal kisses' when I've given him kisses - but like many young boys - T isn't shy about letting Daddy know that his kisses are reserved mostly for his mommy.

And I thought I was pretty cool with that.

But today, when that bright smiling face started to laugh and laugh after giving his daddy what he seemed to know was an absolute thrill of a lifetime, something inside of me broke. And not something bad either.

I'm not ahsamed to admit that as soon as he kissed me, I cried. And I cried. And I cried. Joyously. Rapturously. It was not just the beauty of the moment that overcame me, it was a realization...

Being a parent is damn tough. Being a good parent is probably the toughest job in the world. Sometimes it's hard to understand why on earth it's so hard - and why on earth it seems so endless.

And then your child graces you with a moment that will resonate with you for the rest of your life, like very few things ever before in all your lifetime of experiences.

And suddenly you realize... that it's ALL so worth it. You know why you don't sleep at night to look after your child - why you work every moment that you have just to give them what they need - why you sacrifice almost everything of yourself, to build a life for them.

Because it's worth it - it's so worth it.

I want you all to know that if you haven't had one of these moments yet - just be patient - it will come. And when it does, clouds will clear, and blue skies will appear... with sunshine... rays and rays of glorious sunshine, because you will know...

You have purpose, you have value, you have worth. You are EVERYTHING to somebody.

And they know it.

And now so do you.

My life changed for the better today, and forever.

What could possibly be more special than that?


Thursday 10 January 2013

Non-Conventional Feeding Habits?

There's no such thing. I get that we all want our children to sit quietly at the table, never say a word, and eat whatever is put in front of them; but if you have a child like that, it probably comes with batteries. Actual kids are often a lot tougher to handle when it comes to eating.

Here are three #thugdaddytips that might raise an eyebrow or two, but don't even try and tell me that you ain't gonna try one or all of them, the next time junior won't eat.

1) Scavenger Hunt - this isn't anything time consuming or difficult, just take a few pieces of what you are trying to feed junior, and put them in places that he usually walks - in front of the television set, on the table in front of the couch. Leave the bowl of whatever you were trying to feed him in plain view as well, but just make sure that you have 3-4 pieces strewn all over the place for him to pick up and eat.

My theory on this one is that often times... kids just want to feel like it was 'on their terms.' If they get to feel liek they 'found it' and had the choice to pick it up and eat it, my experience is that often they will. And then they will eat the bowl sitting there for them too. Yes, even if it was the food that they just refused to take from you at the dinner table.

Obviously this tip won't work for Chicken Soup, but it's a great way to piece a grilled cheese sandwich into a finnicky eater.

2) Feed them dessert first. "What?!?!?!?" you're saying. I don't mean give them a bowl of cake and ice cream or anything, but if you're having trouble getting the ball rolling - try giving the youngster a little bit of his FAVORITE food first and see if that doesn't make him eat some of the other stuff too. I usually use a piece of banana or apple, but have used things like a couple of potato chips too. Remember, you're just trying to spurn them to eat SOMETHING at that point, so once they start, don't hesitate to go back to trying to feed them their dinner again.

3) Let them see you feed YOURSELF the same thing and/or one of his favorite toys. Don't be afraid to grab junior's favorite dinosaur and simulate feeding them. Your child may just eventually follow suit... feed the toy, and then sneak a piece into his mouth himself. Often times it's all just about getting the ball rolling and getting your child to dip their toes in the water.


Don't be afraid to be creative and don't be over-principled when your child is being fussy - get them fed - nothing makes a kid scream harder than being hungry...

... even when they won't eat.

#thugdaddynation

Wednesday 9 January 2013

Oh No!

Yeah Tommy just threw his breakfast bowl right through the big screen TV. #dead

Ever seen a grown man cry? I love ya kid, but Daddy doesn't like just setting his wallet on fire and watching it burn.

Anyone know where I can get Anti-Christ insurance?

Friday 4 January 2013

Coolness

What in the aqua blue H-E-double hockey sticks does the kid "not understanding cool" have to do with him being cool?

Ummm... OTHER people know what cool looks like.

Don't ever underestimate the value of taking your kid out looking cool #thugdaddynation. One day he'll have to know how to do it by himself.

Stupid things like pleather jackets and $50 hightop Jordans may not be all that sensible when he will grow out of it in a week, but dang, he's gonna look gooood while he's growing ain't he?



Wednesday 2 January 2013

Testicular Fortitude

From the ages of 20 to 40, I would approximate that I took 8-10 shots to the groin through the course of life - sports etc.

Since Tommy turned one, that is the exact same number that I would attach to what I now take per day.

It takes real testicular fortitude to have an active son #thugdaddynation... make sure you're ready.